Join the Impact Fan Club and receive the latest news and exclusive specials: Enter your email address below and click "Hit it."
(We don't trade email addresses with anyone. Ever.)
My Surgery
posted by Melissa on Sat, Jun 14, 2008
in Irrelevance
Hey, everyone: In case you email me next week and it takes me even longer than usual to get back to you, here's the 411: I'm having cyborg enhancement surgery on Wednesday, 6/18. They plan to cut my leg off and reattach it using titanium and ceramic parts. This is also known as . . .
. . . a total hip replacement. But that sounds so dull, no? Because my hip issues are caused by congenital hip dysplasia (just like your German Shepherd!) I also get a little reconstructive on my pelvis. They're going to move my right hip socket into the correct position, then reassemble my hip joint with the cool robot parts, and, considering they did the left hip a few years back, I'll be an official cyborg.
To be fair, my nine year old son's opinion is: "Mommy, in order to be a cyborg, one part of your body-- but not the leg-- has to turn into a gun. It also helps to have an infrared targeting eye." Touche, Jonah. Touche.
The recovery process is grueling. The doctor told me to take two months off, and it'll come as no surprise to anyone that I'm taking one month off instead. It'll take me quite a bit to get back to my computer-- I don't have a laptop, so the main issue will be sitting in a human chair. Cyborgs have special needs.
My surgeon, Dr. Omar Bayne, is a badass. He did the left hip and it's been a lifesaver. No, not the candy kind. Pffft-- you know I'm not that cool.
My report time on Wednesday is 6:30AM, which is total BS considering I have to go all the way out to Kaiser Fremont where the amazing Dr. Bayne works his joint replacement magic, but I suppose it's better to get it over with than to sweat it all day.
So think good thoughts for me and I'll be back with you as soon as I can. Probably sooner.