Jukebox Stories Archives

A Day Without Brandon Patton; Or, Dancing Movies Please [Guest Post by Prince Gomolvilas]

posted by Prince Gomolvilas on Mon, Feb 18, 2008

I have seen Brandon Patton for 20 consecutive days, due to rehearsals for and performances of Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam. It’s an amount of time long enough that our individual identities have melded into one interchangeable mass of existential confusion. We’re thinking each other’s thoughts, and we don’t know who we are anymore. Swirling images of vaginas now occasionally flash in my mind and open up like blossoming flowers—and I can only imagine the sheer horror that Brandon must be experiencing.

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Dirty Little Secrets [Guest Post by Prince Gomolvilas]

posted by Prince Gomolvilas on Sun, Feb 3, 2008

Since pretty much the entire Impact team is in Guerneville on an artistic retreat and isolated from the rest of the world in a scenario akin to those Friday the Thirteenth movies, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to reveal dirty little secrets about the Impact staff because there will be a small window of time that Melissa and Cheshire won’t be able to yank this post from the Splatter blog. I am an evil genius!

Unfortunately, I live in L.A. and don’t interact with the Impact folk all that much except for me sending the occasional e-mail with a list of unreasonable demands. (“#15. Hire fluffer.”) So I don’t really know any of their dirty little secrets. Sucks for you.

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Warning: Audience Participation Makes Your Nose Bleed [Guest Post by Prince Gomolvilas]

posted by Prince Gomolvilas on Fri, Jan 25, 2008

I generally despise theater shows that require audience participation. If there’s even the slightest chance that someone will be pulled on stage, I will make sure to sit in a difficult-to-get-to spot in the audience. If I am unfortunately in an aisle seat and thereby an easy target, I will not look approaching performers in the eye and I will scrunch up my face as if I were contemplating murder.

A Chicago man who claims that the Blue Man Group attacked him on stage was not so lucky. He says that during a matinee performance of the inexplicably popular experimental theater extravaganza (I mean, they’re also in Vegas--Vegas!) the blue actors shoved an "esophagus cam" down his throat, which subsequently gave him nightmares and nose bleeds.

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No Babies! No Puppies! No No No! [Guest Post by Prince Gomolvilas]

posted by Prince Gomolvilas on Thu, Jan 24, 2008

It's common knowledge in the theater that you should never put children or animals on the stage. They’re just too damn distracting. The audience suddenly stops paying attention to the play and starts doting on the cuteness: “Oh, that kid is SO adorable!” “Oh, look at that PRETTY puppy!” Thirty seconds later, the audience forgets where they are even, they’re transported away from the play in front of them, and they imagine themselves being in some kind of strange indoor zoo where gawking and pointing and delighting in cuteness is a mandatory exercise.

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